Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Waiting, waiting and more waiting...

Today marks 17 months of waiting for Lauren.

I've had this general feeling of yuckiness over the past couple of days, then I realized the date on the calendar and figured it's that darn adoption roller coaster again. It seems when we first got on this ride, it was kind of like a kiddie coaster with only a couple of small ups and downs. As the months go by, the coaster seems to get bigger and bigger with stomach churning hills and upside down loops. Each month I feel like we climb to the top of a big hill and then referrals come out with a measly amount of days matched and then we pass another LIDversary...leaving us at the bottom of the hill starting the monthly climb back to the top for the next plunge.

This afternoon at the office, someone asked why I seemed a little down and not myself and I answered with "this wait is just getting to me lately". They responding with "what wait?" At that point it really hit me how all encompassing this adoption waiting is and how it's become the center of my universe. I can't wait until we are able to just look back on this time and have it feel like just a blip on the radar screen.

Sorry for the whine session, but just had to get it out there. I know my fellow waiting mommas understand.

19 comments:

Diana said...

Donna
No I do not know you....No I am not a waiting mom..(But I was once;) but I soo can not wait for you time to come. Our wait was NOTHING to what you are having to do and it was hard. I am praying for a speed up and can not wait to see you holding your beautiful daughter. You will be a GREAT MaMa!!!
Diana

Lindsey said...

I cannot wait to see your precious girl. I know what it's like to wait so long (even though your wait is a little longer than ours) and it gets so frustrating but once you lay your eyes on that precious child, this wait will vanish! Keep the faith!

Nancy & Brian said...

Waiting is the hardest part and I wish I had magical words to make it go away. Like Lindsey says "keep the faith." When that day does come and you hold Lauren in your arms, life changes, you change and all that pain and saddness from waiting does wash away and you are left with happiness and joy and a whole new life. Lily has been home for six months now and she is the apple of our eyes and Lauren will be yours! Keep the Faith!

tocspaw said...

I'm right there with you. Even though I try not to focus on it, the wait is with me every moment of every day. And somehow that big fat "17" picture of yours hit me like a ton of bricks, so I can only imagine how it's making you feel. I don't even want to contemplate how many months we'll be waiting ourselves...know that we're in this thing together, and when the going gets rough I'm always in for a good old fashioned tears and margarita session!

Lisa and Tate said...

Happy 17!!! You are right about the roller coaster.... hang in there!

Lisa

Robin said...

17 months.. omg! You are getting closer and closer. I know it's a few months off to reach the current 20 month wait.. but honestly.. 3-4 more months to wait vs. the 17 months that are behind you! Woo Hoo..

Sophia's Mama said...

Donna go ahead and whine you are entitled just know you are not alone in our feelings.

Hang in there we will get there and you are going to be a great Mommy

Susan

Jacquie said...

Isn't it just amazing that something that is so consuming of your entire life can be so easily forgotten about by the people you work with every single day? I had lots of those moments with my co-workers.

Congrats on the 17. Even though you're feeling down, that's huge. You have more behind you than in front of you. Hang in there.

Kayce said...

Congratulations! 17 is huge! Hang in there.

Lili & Robin said...

17 months is a HUGE accomplishment. Whew! Congratulations. This neverending waiting business sure would be easier if WE KNEW the end date! That is my biggest complaint = the unknown. the title of one of the May Magpies blog says it all. Confuscious say....couple who adopts from China learns patience! Seriously!! Btw- the Dim sum nite looked fabulous! I loved the goodie bags and the poem. I would like to make it to the next one.

Janet said...

I know JUST what you mean. Everyone else's life just goes on around you, while your life seems to be puttering by at a snail's pace. SIgh.

Stephe said...

Well, we're closer than we were last month!
I have an idea. Let's think of something that we can do each month and post on our monthly LID dates. For example, for our 18 month LID let's have a baby project of lets say backpack with travel items, digital scrapbook page for lifebook, something done in the nursery, or buy her a book or piece of clothing. Each month it can be something different. It can be a project that takes the month to accomplish or a purchase to celebrate the downer day. What do you think. We can all come up with something! ??

M3 said...

"What wait?" -- ouch!! So sorry. Congratulations on 17 months down, you're getting closer and closer. Totally understand the frustration though, the not-knowing is just the worst. Sending big hugs.

Jennifer R said...

I think you have been really doing well considering how hard your wait is, keep hanging in there as best you can. There is nothing wrong with feeling down sometimes. Maybe more shopping will help with the wait?

Shannon S said...

So all encompassing. But we *are* moving forward...I think! =)

Laura and Dan said...

Sweet Donna, my heart hurts too for the gross uncertainty and drama with our wait. Take comfort that you are close and your day will come! We need another shopping adventure soon. :) XOXOOX, Laura

Christie said...

Not only know, but agree and agree and agree...

Big sigh ~


What is there to do but hang in there and keep plugging the months away?

Hugs friend...

OziMum said...

Hey! Whine away, you're only voicing what we are all feeling. At least we are 17 down. I would hate to just be starting out in the process, the wait will be much longer than ours.

Doris & Dan said...

Happy 17! This is all encompassing as you said. It is entrenched in our lives. Really looking forward to looking back on these days.

Hugs!

Keep smilin!