Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I wonder if she's born yet...

I've been wondering lately if Lauren is born yet. If it's 10 months from LID to referral and she's between 9-11 months at referral she would be born sometime this month through March.

Lauren, our sweet girl, this poem is for you...

Child of My Heart
Oh my child, child of my heart.
There is so much to tell you, where shall I start?
I know you're out there, maybe even now.
I know that God will lead you to me, someway somehow.

I may never feel you kick or hear your heart beat for that first time.
But, from the moment that I hold you, there will be no doubt that you are mine.

Maybe even now, your birth mom is considering what to do.
I can only imagine what she is going through.
Maybe she is a child herself, with dreams yet to fulfill.
Maybe she is not ready for a little one, but I know she loves you still.
I know her heart must be breaking, and at night she cannot sleep.
I know if it were possible, it's you she'd want to keep.

On the other side, I am waiting here.
I can sense her love for you and also her fear.
I wish that I could tell her of all the sleepless nights,
of all the tests and procedures and the prayers that this time just maybe it would be right.

I could tell her of all the tears, of all the prayers I've had.
Of the times that I felt so lost, of all the times I've been sad.

I can offer a Mom to kiss away the hurt and tuck you in at night,
I can offer a Dad to teach you to play ball and how to fly a kite.
I can offer a home and a family complete with Aunts, Uncles,Cousins,Granny and Grandpa.
They are all waiting for you, and loving you from afar.

I will share my love with you each and every day.
I will tell you of the woman who loved you in every single way.

I will make sure that you know just the sacrifice she made.
And if you someday want to meet her,
I will never try to dissuade.

For without this special woman,
I would have never had the chance to love you.
My dream of being a Mom, would have never come true.

So, please if you are out there.
Please know I care.
I know what a sacrifice you are making and I would never judge you, that would be unfair.

I am praying for you even now and please know from the very start.
This child will always be a part of you and a child
of my "heart".



Lisa and Tate said...

I wonder the same thing if Tate has been born yet??? The poem just brought tears to my eyes... thanks for sharing it.


Gen said...

Donna - I thought that same thing today! This is going to sound totally wierd and cheesy-but I was really craving Chinese food and asked Sean 3x when he was going back to China. So instead of thinking either my mind was really on food or I need Sean to go away on business ;) - my first thought was "I wonder if our baby was born today"

I guess it's either a coinidence or like that study where women who live near each other usually "cycle" together - well maybe that's us, except we are thinking adoption thoughts instead of, well, you know.

Gen :)

ExCindrela said...

It's so hard to guess! I remember wondering the same thing when we were waiting. Tenley turned out to have been born the month before we were DTC. I looked back at my blog for the entry on her birthday to see if anything significant had happened...but there was nothing!
I liked your poem Donna! Here is the one we posted when we were DTC: It's the Dossier Prayer

Dossier Prayer

Oh God, you know your children's needs and the desires of our hearts better than we can speak them. We pray for your blessing on this sheaf of papers, now winging its way to the other side of the world.

This stack of documents tells so much--yet so little--of who we are. Between the lines, behind the official seals, our deepest dreams are written.

God, you made miracles of ordinary things: quails and manna, bread and wine. Take these ordinary papers and use them to guide us to our miracle.

Bless the work of those who bring families together: the agency staff and facilitators; the government bureaucrats here and abroad; the orphanage officials and caregivers.

Bless the birth family whose child's future we will be privileged to share, and comfort them in their sorrow.

Bless all the adoptive parents and children who wait for their papers to move and their miracles to occur.

And most especially bless the child, born or unborn, who will be our child forever.

This dossier is the link between our lives and hers, oh God. It is the symbol of our hope--the instrument that will bring our family together. Speed it on its way, and sustain our faith during the difficult months to come.
~Julie Higginbotham, Chicago


Carrie & Family said...

Beautiful poem!! It brought tears to my eyes!

Thanks for sharing.

Carrie Yang
NB, Canada

Scott and Karen said...


We often wondered the exact same thing while waiting for Gwen. The interesting part is that in December 2004, we had Gwen's stocking hanging right beside ours as Chritmas approached because we were absolutely CONVINCED she'd been born by that time. Turns out, she was still one month away from entering this world. But to us, she was born the very moment we decided to adopt. The name "Gwen" graced our home long before physical Gwen ever did...and she was just as real to us then as she is now. Beautiful poem.